It wasn’t that long ago when dating apps were, to a lot of people, a novelty. Today, in the age where it’s even possible to see a doctor via an app, more and more are warming up to the idea of putting themselves out there and meeting other people. While no one can deny that dating apps are often used for hooking up, I do have friends and acquaintances who met their partners through these apps before ending up marrying them. Even my own first Tinder date, he’s now become one of my besties.

Personally, I think of dating apps as a kind of meeting place. It’s not so different from meeting someone at a bar. If someone catches your eye (‘Swipe Right’), naturally, you’d want to approach them and see if the feelings are mutual. If so (‘Matched!’), then it’s up to them to take things a bit further like exchanging LINE IDs or going out on a date. Like any relationship, things would develop organically. Dating apps can be handy especially now that we’re living in the Covid-19 era and it’s increasingly difficult to get to know new people. Having used it for many years myself, a dating app has given me so much more than I’d expected. Let me count the ways:

A Boyfriend

Well, this is a given. It’s literally called a “dating app” after all.

A Friend

I went on many dates with this person and really enjoyed talking to him. We would chat over dinner and at a bar until it’s closing time. It’s all genuinely platonic and I have no desire to push things in a certain way. I mean, you can’t force it when the chemistry isn’t right. When it’s a friendship, you can stay friends for a long time. Although things didn’t work out romantically with my first Tinder date, he’s become someone I trust and we support each other. Some people wrote in their bios that they’re travelling solo and want someone to hang out with. Sometimes I find that hard to believe, but some people do actually want just that and nothing more.

New Experiences

Meeting people from a different circle and exploring new activities allow me to be exposed to different views and perspectives. I gain more understanding of things this way. If I say “I’m going kitesurfing tomorrow,” I don’t think anyone would believe me. Well, I’m dating a kitesurfing instructor and he actually asked me if I was interested in giving the sport a try. He told me that he wanted me to get to know him from the thing he’s passionate about. I’m not a sports person by any means, so under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t even consider it.

Don’t be Scared

Some people are afraid of dating apps because they’re scared of being scammed. While this is a valid point, dating in real life doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always be safe either or that your relationship will last. I think it’s more about honesty and sincerity when it comes to significant others, friends or even someone you’ve just met.

Be Honest, Start With a Profile Photo

Choose a photo that looks like your(present)self the most. Don’t go crazy with photo editing apps otherwise your photo will end up looking like somebody else entirely. This will not fare well with your date. Worse yet, it will be a complete waste of time for both parties. Using heavily touched up profile photos means that you’re not being sincere to begin with. When I went to Berlin for the first time, I ‘super liked’ this guy, thinking that I might be his type since I’ve got quite a unique look — a Chinese-looking girl with a tan! All his photos lived up to what he described himself on the profile, which was a “music producer.” When I met him, he did look like his photos. The thing is, though, his style and personality didn’t quite match what he came across in them. His fashion sense was way off and he hadn’t even been to the club I wanted to go to. Such a shame! Come to think of it, I’m also the one to blame as I was being a bit compulsive as well. A cautionary tale for me I suppose. Actually, my guy friends told me that girls nowadays are so skilled at photoshopping that they probably wouldn’t recognize them even if they were standing in front of them.

How to Make Your Profile Pop?

Think of yourself as a product. You need to find a unique selling point within you. I’ve been told that I’ve got a beautiful smile, so I use that to my advantage. I didn’t use bikini photos on my profile before, but after seeing what other girls were showing off, I started to do the same! It’s really competitive out there. Having said that, it also depends on each person’s lifestyle. I’ve always been an island girl and that’s kind of my brand. The same goes for guys. Girls want to see what you’ve got, so go ahead and show it off!

Small Details Count

For me personally, I think guys are more interesting when they put up other photos besides their selfies. It could be photos of them travelling somewhere, working, partying or doing other activities. The opening line is also crucial. It’s a thing that could be a deciding factor whether to continue the conversation. This doesn’t mean that we need to be pretentious or anything like that. It feels nice when guys strike up a conversation by referring to what I wrote on my profile or commenting on my photos. It shows that they really take an interest in me.

There’s been times when I matched with someone on Tinder and later realized that we actually met or locked eyes before in real life. This goes to show that no matter where we see each other from, it’s the chemistry that’s responsible for that initial attraction. On the other hand, when you meet or talk with someone and it doesn’t click. No matter how much you fancy that person, you just have to trust your feelings.

No Expectations, No Disappointment

Having expectations can be an issue when it comes to dating apps. Many of us expect the other person to fall instantly head over heels in love with us. Love at first sight does exist for a lot of couples out there (and we should congratulate them!). But what if you’re not as lucky as those people? Let’s break it all down, shall we?

There’s a lot of people who jump on Tinder right after they’ve broken up with their girlfriends/boyfriends. You have to operate with the assumption that you might be someone’s rebound. Also, don’t expect too much if you just went on a date with someone who’s on vacation. Better enjoy the moment and try to be realistic. It’s easy to fall prey to some guy’s “I want to move here,” and get carried away by your visions of a perfect marriage. The truth is, not a lot of guys actually want to relocate to Thailand. Wait until they’ve actually moved here and only then you’re allowed to fantasize about the future with them. Remember that expectations breed disappointment. Another thing is that you don’t want to give off that desperate energy especially when the other person is not sharing the same feelings. If you just let things develop organically, the energy will be different. It’s like what they say about not finding what you’re looking for. Once you stop looking, it will be everywhere. Love is just like that.

Happy Love Month!