To welcome the month of ‘Love & Sex Education,’ I knew that I wanted to write about sex. I’ve always been interested in BDSM and the first time that I got to know that scene was when I had a chance to work with Unnamedminor, a shibari artist whogave me a proper 101 on this particular branch of subculture.
This time around, however, I wanted to dig a little deeper into the world of BDSM. I initially got in touch with Mistress Midori, a legendary dominatrix from House of Dominance, but her last-minute change of heart landed me an interview with her protégé Mistress Crystal instead. Mistress Midori explained to me that she grew up in a different generation and Miss Crystal might be better suited to answering my questions in the contemporary context.
“Which am I, dominant or submissive?” I asked Miss Crystal as soon as I placed my voice recorder on the table. She took a quick look at me and said with a chuckle, “A muggle.”
How did you become Mistress Crystal?
“The first time I came across the word ‘BDSM’ was in a comic book when I was young. I’d always been curious but I just didn’t know how to go about learning about this stuff. One day, a friend asked me if I would be interested in joining the BDSM community. I’m an open-minded person by nature so I said yes. Being in that scene, it was like I took an intensive course – I learned about consent and safety. [BDSM] is not violent like it’s commonly depicted, it’s a very systematic practice.”
House of Dominance
“It felt like I was in some sort of a girl scout camp because I had to learn skills like how to tie ropes (laughs). I tried being a ‘sub’ before and while it’s fun and all, I much prefer taking on the dom role. I found my calling within the BDSM community because I was open to exploring new things. Each generation is different. Mistress Midori, for example, pursued it because she wanted to dominate men. Context varies from person to person.”
Consent reigns supreme
“It’s a common misconception that a dom has to be scary and quick to anger. The heart of BDSM is consent. We don’t go around and force it on anybody. A play between a dom and a sub is built on consent which can have layers of details. Personally, I don’t like calling someone a slave during a play because I don’t want to disgrace them like that.”
Have you ever fell for a sub?
“Of course, I’m dating one right now! We’ve been friends since high school, but drifted away when we went off to unis. One day, I saw this beautiful woman on Facebook and thought she looked familiar. I decided to DM her and it turned out that she’s actually my friend. I told her right out that I was a dom and I knew that she was a CD (cross dresser). We then got to talking which eventually led to us playing together. She was inexperienced at the time and even though I wasn’t a seasoned expert, I knew a thing or two. She was basically my guinea pig and we experimented with pretty much everything. One thing led to another, we decided to start dating and still are to this day.”
From passion to career
“It wasn’t until I started making proper money that I felt like this could become a career. After freelancing for a while, I decided to create House of Dominance. We were thriving and then the pandemic hit. Things got quiet for a while there. I used to choose clients based on how they looked or their personality, but it didn’t really work out – until they offered to pay me. I feel like that was a real turning point for me.”
“I’m not saying I’m all about cash – it just serves as a kind of filter for me. It helps screen out certain characters. I mean, I still get pro bono requests but people who are willing to pay generally understand what they’re getting into. I feel safe around them. Each dominatrix usually works with 3-4 regulars which is already a lot, plus there’s also an increase of male subs recently.”
“When I get paid, I also have to do things in a professional manner. Client’s satisfaction comes first and that includes things like safety measures, confidentiality, and creativity during a play. If you’re a pro dom, you should be able to deliver those things to your client.”
“If you come to House of Dominance or any other establishments in Sukhumvit or Phrom Phong, you’ll see that safety concerns are taken seriously. For example, when we do ‘breath control,’ a mistree has to keep a close eye on the client to make sure that they’re safe. Death is really not uncommon and could happen any time.”
“I get all kinds of client. Some are respectful, others not so much. They think that they can behave however they want just because they have money. Subs are usually like that. I find that the more cocky they are, the more they want to be talked down to or get into anal play. There must be a common thread there somewhere.”
Understanding human nature
“In some sessions, I find that I’m able to reach deep inside my sub’s psyche. I wouldn’t go so far as to saying that it’s the same as therapy, but I’m able to give them the kind of moral support they need. Some people have a lot of stressed built up inside so they just want to unleash it. When that happens, there’s usually some crying involved before they feel comfortable enough to confide in me. It feels good to be able to help them get to that cathartic point.”
When it comes to consent, is it in a written form?
“It’s usually done verbally. Before each session, we would set boundaries and establish a safe word and that’s pretty much the extent of it. Neither is a dom nor a sub protected by law. What I do involves a lot of physical pleasure – it’s essentially sex work and I fully support the movement to legalize it. It may take a while for this kind of thing to finally be accepted.”
With special thanks to
Unnamedminor
House of Dominance
Mistress Midori
Mistress Crystal
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